1. |
Mele Kalikimaka
03:22
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Looking back, this whole thing could have easily been avoided. In fact, she could see just about a hundred ways this whole thing could have been avoided. But hindsight was 20-20, yeah? Unless you were from planet Neetch. For Neetchees, hindsight was just plain damn 20.
She had been thirsty. A lot less water out in space than you’d think, unless you have the equipment to harvest and melt hard ice. It had been a long run, over twenty jumps from Alpha Centauri to the Primary System.
Usually she was a pretty good planner. But she’d taken the job the morning out of a weekend long bender. So she ended up thirsty. And then, like a fountain in hell, there was Neetch. 92% water. Hoo-ray. It's a miracle. Hal-ay-freakin'-lu-yah.
Inhabited? Sure. But look at that, they’re cute! Like little upright puppies with one eye. They think they’re human, ha ha!
Then the eyes turned red, and bore a hundred tiny holes straight through her ship. They fried her generator coil, her fuel tanks, her nav, her com, her everything. The only silver lining was the puppy-eye laser-beams only seemed to work on metal.
She couldn’t even count how many of the puppy-people she murdered with her bare hands. But it had felt good. She felt content. And why shouldn’t she?
I mean, it was Christmas, after all.
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2. |
Santa Claus
03:41
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They come once a year.
From the Magnetic North they come, each at the end of the long cold night of far travel and many stops, to meet in the between-space where the dimensions melt together. Some come from little log cabins, where their old wives sit and wait in creaky rockers next to warm hearths. Others come from brightly lit mountain mansions, adorned majestically in holly and ivy. Still more come from mountain caves, igloos built in great snowy valleys or alongside huge cracking glaciers or from the dark depths of the icy sea, and big bustling toy factories manned by tiny men and women in green with thick towers of smoke puffing warmth into the frosty blue sky. From many worlds they come.
And though they may be different sizes, shapes, species, even states of matter, each and every one of them share the same twinkle of eye, the same blush of blood tinging their cheeks, and, most of all, the same booming laughter.
They come from the Magnetic North, each at the end of the long cold night. They meet in the between-space, and, merrily, they rejoice.
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3. |
Frosty the Snowman
03:22
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Every few years, when the winter is especially cold, and the snow is especially thick, it happens.
A child goes out on a snowy day. It’s a day where school is all but a distant memory, a day where all that exists is child, sky and snow. And the child, below the sky, digs his hands in the snow and begins to build. First a large ball, then a smaller one. And then the head. Sometimes a carrot nose, sometimes a button. A couple of pebbles for the eyes and mouth. Maybe a bow tie, a corn-cob pipe. These details are irrelevant.
It’s the hat. The hat is what matters.
On a day like this, a worry free day, with a clear sky and clean, white snow, when the child, swaddled in the pride of his demiurge, places the hat upon the snowman’s head, it happens.
The child begins to really feel the cold of the air. The heavy coat no longer protects him from the frost. His fingers are stinging. He rips of his gloves, and they are blue, now purple, now black. He’s hungry—ravenous. He’s dry and crispy all over, frostbit. And suddenly: warm, wet, dark. Nothing.
Impossibly, the pebbles blink. The corners of the button mouth turn from a smile to a snarling grimace. The man-who-lives, the returned-one, alive again. He’s been born, and reborn, built and rebuilt, over and over again for centuries, millennia—eons. Always to die again with the coming spring.
It had been many long years since it finally drove him mad.
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4. |
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5. |
Fum Fum Fum
02:42
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On December 25 sing "fum fum fum."
On December 25 sing "fum fum fum."
He was born for love of us. the little god, the baby god
To the virgin born alive
This cold December 25, sing "fum fum fum."
Little birds from out the woods sing "fum fum fum."
Little birds from out the woods sing "fum fum fum."
Leave the little ones at home, abandon them, abandon them.
Build a cozy nest to please us
For the little baby Jesus, "fum fum fum."
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6. |
Oh Holy Night
02:14
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7. |
Sleigh Ride
02:09
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8. |
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9. |
Fum Fum Fum (reprise)
01:02
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Little stars up in the sky sing "fum fum fum."
Little stars up in the sky sing "fum fum fum."
You may look at Jesus crying but yourselves must not be crying
Make the dark knight glitter likely
Make it twinkle purely brightly, "fum fum fum."
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10. |
Do You Hear What I Hear
04:00
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11. |
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12. |
That's the Bunny
00:12
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That's the bunny, boing boing boing
The bunny says, boing boing boing
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